Lola's English Page "Jokes"

Monica's Diary Entries...

Entry 1: Dear Diary,
I’m so excited! Just got a job as an intern at the White House.... and I don’t know a thing about medicine. Don’t even know what my duties are yet, but I hope it’s a "hands on" position.

Entry 2: Dear Diary,
You won't believe this! I snuck into the Oval Office when no one was looking. But then I dropped one of my contacts. So, I got down on my hands and knees and was looking for it when-guess what-the president walked in. He said, "You must be the new intern." That man is psychic! I hope he likes me.

Entry 3: Dear Diary,
I think the president likes me. Today he dropped his contacts on the rug and asked me to find them.

Entry 4: Dear Diary,
I met a really nice girl today. Her name is Linda. She's really cool except for that clown hair. Has she ever heard the word "conditioner?"" She looks like Mrs. Ronald McDonald.

 Entry 5: Dear Diary,
I think Linda is hard of hearing. She keeps asking me to speak louder whenever we go out for a quiet dinner.

Entry 6: Dear Diary,
All my girlfriends are so jealous of all the attention I'm getting from Kenneth Starr. I think they have a subpoena envy. And Linda Tripp. I hate her. I'm thinking of selling a Linda Doll. You wind it up and it stabs a Barbie doll in the back.

Entry 7: Dear Diary,
They keep asking me if I had sexual relations with the president. I mean, give me a break. That is so crazy. I mean, just because every day, when I worked at the White House, his name was at the top of my "To Do" list.

Entry 8: Dear Diary,
They keep talking about immunity... like I caught something from the President or something. The truth is, there was always a secret service man outside the Oval Office protecting us. Now, that's what I call safe sex!

Entry 9: Dear Diary,
Omigod. Mom and I are both going to the grand jury. What is that about anyway? Sounds like some big hotel. Anyway, I guess I shouldn't have told mom about taking dictation in the Oval Office. Me and my big mouth!

Entry 10: Dear Diary,
I'm not really worried. I've got offers to do some really cool movies that are going straight to video and starring me! The Full Monica, a sequel to In And Out, A Pack-O-Lips Now, Wag the Willy and my most favorite: Good Bill Humping. I hope Speilberg will direct.


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