Lola's English Page "Jokes"


 Una muchacha mexicana que ha llegado a LA entra a un "bar" y ungringo borracho le dice: "Honey, baby, I wanna get in bed with you anmake love..." La muchacha le contesta: "Mande?" Y el gringo responde: "NO, not MONDAY, Tonight!!!

Three foreign students are sitting together one day practicing their imperfect English. Turns out, all three men are married and their wives are having difficulty having children. Says the first one, "My wife cannot have children, unfortunately.She is unconceivable." Says the second, "Yes? My wife, she is also impregnable." Says the third, "I have the same problem with my wife. She is unbearable."

I am an Italiano. One day ima gonna LA to bigga hotel. In a morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tell a her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no pissonna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call mesonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me aspoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyonewanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room in a hotel and there is no shits onna my bed.Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. Isay you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shitonna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you."I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.

A proposed plan to gradually update the way to spell things in english. In Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling,so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all. Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y"and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais"ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli. Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld


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